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8 March 2012 - flowersnation

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March 10th, 2012


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04:52 am - 8 March 2012
I totally missed 8 March 2012! So I'm going to do two posts in one day (technically three since it's already the 10th, but whatever. I'm already off to a bad start! Haha) I'm going to speak is if today were the 8th! 

So today I went to school after staying up until 4am saving various fan fictions to my fan fiction book mark. I'll have plenty of time to kill over Spring Break so I'll have plenty of time to catch up on some good fan fictions! And maybe even write a few of my own. 
School kind of sucked a bit. My AP Lit teacher told me I wasn't allowed to present my paper along with my power point. She was really.. I don't know.. dodgy about it. She told me that I couldn't present it because I had too many typos and a lot of fragmented sentences. At first I thought maybe she was talking about the way I spell things like "favourite", "practise", and "recognise" because she often crosses out my u's in "favourite" and colour, but there was just no way. I mean, I definitely didn't have fragmented sentences. And then she told me that I was allowed to put my biographical zine on Kurt Cobain out. If I can write a grammatically correct zine, why can't I write a grammatically correct paper? It just didn't make sense to me. This is also the same teacher that ALWAYS asks me for grammatical advice and is always praising me for my writing skills. I just knew my paper was pretty much next to perfect, so I figure it's just because I mention rape culture and abortion in it whereas my zine is purely biographical. It made me really mad. 

I had to get dressed up for the academic fair. 





I was feeling really, really self-conscious before I left for the fair. I tried on four different outfits and just nothing seemed right at all. I was so upset. Then I got to the fair and I got a few compliments on how nice I looked, and a lot of people liked my lipstick so I felt a bit better. I pretty much just pined after Mr. Theodore the entire night. God he looked so fucking adorable and handsome in just every way possible. I don't think people take me seriously when I say I'm in love with him. I'm legitimately in love with him. I've had the hugest crush on him since I first saw him in the seventh grade. I'm now a senior in high school and it never gets easier to deal with. I legitimately get sad when I think about how I'll never get to date him/hook up with him, etc.... I'm pathetic, I know. Whatever, whatever. I do what I want. (Except if I had a choice, I would totally choose to NOT be in love with him.) 

I drove Paula home from the Academic Fair because her mom was in Brazil, and on the way home her and Jesse ended up getting in this really huge fight. He was mad because someone told him that she was flirting with Robby Berkowitz. She called him and started screaming things like: "NO, JESSE. DON'T DO THIS. PLEASE DON'T DO THIS. I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH JUST LET ME LOVE YOU I'M SORRY." It was so bad and I felt so so bad. I tried to comfort her and tell her none of it was her fault. I thought she was waiting for Jesse to answer the phone, and I was in mid sentence of "I'm sorry, Paula. I'm so so sorry. This really isn't your fault, though." When she just said "Kali?" and started crying hysterically while explaining what was going on to Kali. She didn't even acknowledge me while I was trying to comfort her. I was just in shock that she would completely ignore me to call Kali instead. Before that, I wanted to tell her I loved her when I was telling her I was sorry, but it wasn't true. I don't love her, and I didn't want to lie just because I felt sorry for her. 

I got home and made myself some really good pasta and broccoli: 


I watched an episode of the Office and then spent the rest of my night crying because I started thinking about how I'm going to have to move away from Ethan soon. That thought terrified me. I don't want to move away from him. I love him more than anyone in my family. I love him more than anyone in the world. He means more to me than anyone does. 

Here's a cat in the hat that he made in class on Dr. Seuss' birthday. 




Current Location: Gryffindor Tower
Current Mood: complacentcomplacent
Current Music: Nothing

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